A Guest Blog by Joy Wilson—The Medic

As a mama bear, I will defend my cubs to the death. But not this time. My son is jointly responsible for the death of a loving relationship with his partner. Yes, it has become toxic and it seems the only chance for healing is for them to separate. But he isn’t grieving and she is, and so I fight for her – not against my son, but against hopelessness and the danger of her going under for good.
I’m grateful each of them has always trusted me enough to share their version, verdict, and individual voice of truth. They knew at the beginning this was a risky relationship. All previous couplings had been disasters, starting with “in love” and ending with blame and shame. They knew they had negligible communication skills, and were prone to jealousy and selfishness. Yet there is a deep hunger in each of us for a significant other who will forgive our sins, treat us with respect, and love us no matter what. Maybe things would be different this time. Maybe they could grow up together. Maybe didn’t happen.
There’s a romance to a rocky relationship. Drama is the antithesis of complacency, and bad can seem better than boring, especially when world-class wars are followed by laughter and fun. But for this couple, the wars were real, the laughter temporary relief until the next bomb dropped. And last night this wounded woman called from the battlefield, hemorrhaging internally, and I was the medic on hand. Who was right or wrong was irrelevant; saving a soul was.
I have refused to take sides in this conflict, preferring to listen and love. When I perceive a willingness to hear, I offer suggestions and give examples from my own life. But assigning fault isn’t my job, because fault isn’t the issue here. Truth is.
Much of what we think is true, isn’t. What we believe is based on our experience and what other people say. Even personal experiences are inaccurate perceptions of reality, filtered through feelings and viewpoint. Feelings are never right or wrong – they just are, and we have proprietary rights to our opinions. But truth? As my husband, Bud, says, “Just because I believe it doesn’t make it so.”
These young adults have frequently told me what “really” happened, hoping to convince me “I’m right, he/she’s wrong, and whatever he or she told me is wrong.” It would be so easy to quote John 8: 32: “You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” If they would only be willing to listen to each other, truth would either become evident or not as important as respecting their differences compared with being “right”.
Then as I poured out my grief to the One who loves us unconditionally, an insight came to me: “You will know the truth” wasn’t about “what”, but “who”. In John 14:6 Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” What this precious woman needed more than answers was The Answer, and I sang her to sleep with this song:

 
  Joy Wilson, author
Joy Wilson is the author of Uncensored Prayer: The Spiritual Practice of Wrestling With God and a contributor to Not Alone (both Civitas Press, 2011). She and her husband, Bud, are two life-long hippies. They live in Bartlett, TN, with six cats, two dogs, and no TV. She is part of an eclectic group of Jesus-followers called Outlaw Preachers and has a passion for prison ministry. Also, Joy is an advocate for middle-aged and senior women, and anyone who suffers from depression. Joy’s website is joyleewilson.org and you can contact her at joyleewilson@gmail.com.